On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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