She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
