getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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