remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
