maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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