16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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