Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
