Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
