hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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