i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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