ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
