My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the condom got lost in my hair
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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