hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
