dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
