Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
