hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
