Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
