I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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