i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
