i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
