Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
