Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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