its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
