Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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