I cannot find my penis.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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