we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm like, not good at living.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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