Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
