Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
