I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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