I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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