Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
