How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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