I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
