considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
