I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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