I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
