i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
