i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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