i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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