I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
