Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
