yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
