the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Drake has all the answers
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
