I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
