White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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