i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
