she smelled like a LAN party
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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