I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
