i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
