It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
