I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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