so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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